Happy Holidays!

Wait a minute… what the…?
You know what?  I really don’t care what they say; it’s “Merry Christmas!”

I believe many of us ask, “Why do so many people hate Christmas so much?”  There are different reasons why people hate this time of year, which I present here, though they may or may not be accurate or logical.  But seriously, are you looking for something to waste your time on, or not?

The first one is, “It just gets so annoying to see all the ugly decorations.”  Are you serious?  I think Christmas decorations are the best most people have in their garage/attic/closet-under-the-stairs.  Once you pick the bones of your hidden, misbegotten children out of the tinsel and untangle the flaming strings of lights which have labels from last year that you can’t understand any more, it can turn into something wonderful.  Granted, you should hang all outside lights toward the end of October or by mid November.  This is because it’s a real pain in the arse to do so once the snow has begun to cover everything.  This is also only pertinent in areas where it snows.

It was always part of my family’s tradition that we all help put out the various decorations, ranging from the angel chimes that spin by the heat of candles, to the mini tree with ornaments, to the nutcracker we were told was expressly for decorative purposes, to the glass nativity scene (older kids under mom’s direct supervision).  We all had our individual ornaments that only we could place, but we could all help with the general ornaments.  As we decorated the tree, we would have the cult classic “A Christmas Story” playing nearby.  I would post a link to something explaining the movie, but if you don’t know what it is by now, you’re not worth the effort.

Second, “The music is so repetitive.”  Frankly, Christmas music is some of the best music, in my opinion, although I don’t particularly like the secular stuff.  Granted, I LOVE to hear Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas”, and Sinatra crooning “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”, but Rudolph would make a good dinner, and Frosty can burn in Hell.  The best ones are those featuring the “Christ” part of Christmas, such as "O Come, O Come Emmanuel", or Stille Nacht, and the ones most people don’t even know, like “Bring a Torch”.  Any of you who knew me in high school know how much I love these songs.  But who am I kidding?  Nobody reads this!

Third, “The people out shopping are so nasty.”  Well, that’s because Christmas isn’t about things.  While Charlie Brown has a very good point to make about the muddle of commercialism that has become our contemporary holiday “celebration”, it’s still no excuse for the movie “Jingle all the Way”.  No, don’t look it up… ever…

Some of you proceed to ask, “Then what is Christmas about?”  Hmm…  I don’t know…  Maybe it’s about the birth of Jesus Christ.  If you don’t like the thought of Jesus being the literal son of God, at least appreciate the birth of Jesus the philosopher.  Honestly, what did he teach that was so offensive?  We should all try to be nice to other people.  Don’t judge others when you don’t even know them or their troubles.  Those old Ten Commandments make a lot of sense and could actually help avoid a lot of problems in the world; perhaps people aught read them on occasion.

Anyway, my family has recently taken to a more reasonable form of Christmas shopping, in which every one draws a name randomly.  The name is the family member for whom you will be expected to get some kind of gift(s).This system saves on time and stress when looking for family gifts.  You can get things for other family members, but you are only obliged to the one.

Alternatively, you could try what I've been doing for around five years, and do your Christmas shopping all year.  If you spot something you know a family member will like in May, get it then, and keep it in a place where you will remember it.  For instance, I found something I'm pretty sure my sister will like at a Renaissance Festival in August, and have been sitting on it since then.

Getting back to my original point, Christmas may even have something to do with spending real time with your family.  This, of course, leads me directly into my final point.

Fourth, “It’s so stressful to be around family that long.”  I’m pretty sure everyone bickers with their family over the holidays; do you really think you’re special?  My siblings and I have identified this phenomenon, and dubbed it “Merry Freaking Christmas”.  In this phenomenon, one person gets irritable with someone else, which eventually leads to the first person storming out of the room and leaving everyone else to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” (which I found with restored picture and sound to give my mom last year).  This is NORMAL.

Incidentally, I have actually found my family rather tolerable over the last few years.  This could be because we’re getting older and more mature, or maybe because we’re all just too crazy to care any more.  But this year, my sister-in-law has insisted that we do the whole holiday shebang together.  We’re going to spend some frikkin’ time together, we’ll watch the frikkin’ Christmas classics like “Holiday Inn” and “White Christmas”, we’ll have a frikkin’ New Year’s Eve party, and we’ll all have a good frikkin’ time.  I have no objections, but as I said, I find my family is quite more tolerable these last few years.  This happened right around the time I moved out… what a crazy, random happenstance…

I know you decided to ignore my admonition, and looked up “Jingle all the Way”.  Are you quite satisfied with your own stupidity?

In short, this time of year is only as stressful and terrible as you make it.